Hanabi and Japanese Relationships

Today, I got to go to Japan's largest Hanabi or fireworks festival!  Of course I love fireworks, but mostly I wanted to see what a Japanese festival is like.  This one was really done up right!  Just like in America there was stall after stall selling little trinkets, traditional snacks, desserts, and fried concoctions, but there were also some things that I don't really associate with fairs like people lining up to pray at the shrine or all the young people decked out in yukata, which is the light-weight summer kimono.  It's a different and interesting take on what makes up a festival.

Festivals here, like in America, are also really good places to take your date.  They're cheap, fun, pressure free, and can take up a whole day.  So of course, I saw lots of young Japanese couples walking around in there yukata, but it made me think of the married couples here because they are who I mainly hear about.

My first week here my host mom told me Japanese housewives are very patient; they wait until their husband retires to divorce him so they can get half of his pension.  Actually, one of her friends had been wanting a divorce for so long that when she got Alzheimer's at an early age she just assumed she was divorced.  The situation seems to be pretty common since none of my friend's host parents are in happy relationships.  One couple said they got married because they both worked at the same firm and it was practical, another said that they just pretend to be happy so their kids don't know, and mine actually are divorced.

One couple explained it this way:  Japanese men change after they get married.  Once they've got the girl they don't have to try anymore and instead they focus on their careers and make their coworkers their new family.  They don't care how their wives are feeling and they don't want their wives to do anything outside of the house without permission first.  Including simple things like having lunch with friends or taking the kids to the pool.  They do, however, care a lot about their children.  Anytime they're home they will spend time with their kids and any free time they have is usually spent to enrich their children's education.

Even my host mom's sister who is in her 60s can't have friends over unless her husband is away!  I can't imagine living that kind of life in this day and age, but everyone I talk to says that's really how it is here.  Now I understand why people say no one wants to marry a Japanese man.